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I'm a fake by Keizie I'm a fake by Keizie
This.. I need to explain.

I think.

Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't.



My view and interpretation of this pic from an I perspective (It's not about me, it's in general):

It bothers me a lot that when people submit selfportraits, they often try to depict only their beauty and positive sides. Few people want to look ''FGGN UGLY'' on a picture they show to the world. People make themself look better on pictures. Why are we so afraid of showing a less pretty side of us? Afraid of losing favorites, devwatchers, teh ''nice'' ''OMFG PRETTY'' comments? Sure we are.

I'm not. Not anymore. The mornings I wake up and am completely happy with myself are very rare. Eye circles of bad sleeping, dry skin, bad hair day, it's all daily. Feeling like shit, hating myself and the whole world around me, it's not uncommon. I am not always positive. I am not always happy. Sometimes I can cry without even knowing why. Sometimes I can laugh too, while I have no idea why I do.
Sometimes I look into the mirror, and want to smash it to a thousand pieces. Cut myself with every sharp edge I find, just to feel if I'm still alive, because I sometimes feel so numb, I can hardly believe I am.

I am not always happy. Though I am not always sad either.
Life's beautiful, but a big shitmess at the same time.
An important thing is to find balance in life. It's hard to compromise, when you have to do it all the time. It's hard to smile, when inside, you feel like shit.

It's hard to fake.
I think we all know.

About the make-up:
White & black & red paint. Mascara. Redness in eye caused by putting white paint in eyes to make them tear more. Lot of tearing. (Don't ask)

had a lot of inspiration on this one.

Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care

I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry

Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake

I'm a fake - The Used


Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Mad World - Gary Jules.


And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I cant feel it right now,
I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,

Well I know that its a wonderful world
from the sky down to the sea,
but I can only see when you're here, here with me.

Wonderful World - James Morrison


But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

Creep - Radiohead


Please help me stay awake, Im falling...
Asleep in perfect blue buildings
Beside the green apple sea
Gonna get me a little oblivion, baby
Try to keep myself away from me

Perfect Blue Buildings - Counting Crows


Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you

Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you

Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Life's too short and i feel small

Counting Stars - Sugarcult


So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

All That I've got - The Used


Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that

Someday - Nickelback


Innocence gone
Never take friendship personal
If you can't hold yourself together
why should I hold you now?

Oh, oh, oh, you lie
Tell me something more than what you tried to hide
If you can't find yourself
Then how can i expect to find you
oh, oh, oh, you cry
Tell me something more than what you try
The greatest tragedy is not your death
but a life without reason
life has no purpose
a life has no reason
life has no purpose

Never Take Friendship Personal - Aberlin


Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing Life Away- Rise Against


Just in case you were wondering.

Thank you for viewing, thank you for support, thank you for taking time..


© Pieke Elisabeth Rosa Roelofs.

Also known as Keizie on deviantart or Butterbee at Hyves ([link]).
Add a Comment:

Daily Deviation

Given 2007-11-16
The painful expression make I'm a fake by =Keizie much more than an horror and macabre image. Powerful and heart breaking. ( Suggested by aardet and Featured by arachnid15 )
Callme-Ismael Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2017   Artist
... great & very touching Work
cloud61587 Featured By Owner May 24, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I completely agree with you, and I admire what you are trying to show in both image and description. The world today is so consumed on image and how we must look our best to impress. However we sacrifice our "true" self on how WE want to be seen rather than what the world wants us to look. We shouldn't let others judgement on our image effect us. 
Ask--Poppyfrost Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
Lol i thought you were Jeff The Killer t first :3 Great picture though
TheDouchebagsofDA Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012
No you look the same. I when I frist ment you
sandyslegacy Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Professional General Artist
Love your perception.. Sad but true.. yea, we do come across a lot of fakes in our lives.. I just dont understand what is soo bad or boring to just accept what the real thing..

Good work, Keizie..
ellachico Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Trueukegirl Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
its beautiful
MarliRitter Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2011
Love the pic and concept :))
ziggyspet Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Student General Artist
wow... I never really looked at things that way. very intense pictures by the way. *favorites*
DaraLC-artisty Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
^-^ Featured
DaraLC-artisty Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Gorgeous eyes and splendid description
monkeynuggers Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2011
the title and picture say enough but the text added so much more meaning. on a side comment. i love the used
mruki Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
The photograph is amazing but the description adds so much meaning to the piece! Beautifully done :heart:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This... wow I just don't know what to say. Such a display, and it was very much aided by your description which I thought was beautiful. I think a lot of people agree, but we find ourselves unable to break out of the box as you have. I was really moved though, because if you can make it through the numbness and the urge to cut sometimes, well then why can't I? Your description was just very powerful. You did a fantastic job on your picture, and your description. Both should be framed as works of art :)

And I felt the need to add something in here about your music choices: I love you o.o. Your music choices fit this so well, and I felt that they really were reflecting a part of you to us, the viewers. I also rarely came across a song I didn't know, and when I got to "swing life away" by Rise Against I'm pretty sure I squealed. I just love that song as I feel so many powerful emotions at once, much like this piece made me feel! So while this isn't really relevant, I felt the need to say that I loved those bands and songs as well. :)
Vmmc385 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I am favoriting this more for the explanation than for the image.
RockabillyGina Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i completely agree with everything you've said in the description, if there is a single person out there that could say that when they wake up in the morning they can look at themselves in the mirror and think wow i look perfect, or that doesn't have a down day in all there lives, that day where they think there fat ugly and worthless, and didn't get scared or want to cry, then id say it was all a lie

i hate how much photos are Photoshop'd and women and men are air brushed to make them look better, it seems like allot of life revolves around how good you look, which is not right at all!

i love that in this photo you've shown your weaknesses and that you don't care for the comments saying how beautiful you are etc

this photo has its own special beauty which i love so much, wonderful colors and make up
and a sorta proof that make up cannot hide everything

I've finished my little (long) ramble now
love it :)
Keizie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Professional Photographer
:heart: Thank you very much for your kind comment back. I read them all, and it gives me so much strength to know I am not alone in this, because you know, sometimes you do feel alone in this world obsessed with beauty.

RockabillyGina Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
my pleasure :) x
sparrow1183 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
absolutely stunning! I love your description as well.
Keizie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much, and taking time to comment <3!
MissStreelight Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
The emotion in this is just so raw and heartfelt. I really love this photograph- I could almost say this is my favorite photograph off the whole of deviantArt. Beautiful, truly amazing, and I sympathize with everything you wrote in your description.

This is a masterpiece, in my opinion. <3

And I hope you don't mind, but I loved it so much that I drew it: [link]
Keizie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Professional Photographer
Woah, that is a pretty accurate picture! What tools did you use? Great job :clap:.

Thank you so much for commenting and leaving such a heartwarming message. I'm glad you like it, finding that people can relate to my work always gives me a great feeling and creative urge. Thank you for helping me with that!

<333 :smooch:
MissStreelight Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
Thank you for liking my drawing- I used the ChibiPaint drawing tool [link] offered at that website.

And you're completely like yours helps me too. :)
freakkface Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
Keizie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thanks <3!
raverzombie69 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
I know this has probably been up a while and you're probably tired of the "so deep and beautiful" comments, but this is simply amazing.
Though at what you might see as your worst you are still beautiful.
Keizie Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for your kind comment :). I never get tired of the comments people leave, I only have little time to respond these days, especially with my son who is running around these days :D!

I'm glad you liked it, thank you so much for the comment :smooch:!
raverzombie69 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
Oh you don't need to respond to my comments. As long as you get them that's good enough. My best to you and your son :)
Keizie Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Professional Photographer
raverzombie69 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
My-he-art Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2011  Professional Photographer
What can I nailed it with this image!!!
I am totally humble when somebody can make an emotion so spot on that I can feel it as it was ME!

The contrasts, the tears on the white make up, the darkblue eyes red of crying and sadness, the big black mouth that gives the false illusion of a smile..
It is one of the best portraits I've ever seen :)

However....there are more artists who are not afraid of showing the "dark" side of just have to look very well!
Like trying to find a pearl between pebbles...and the pearl can only be so beautiful... being around these ordinary pebbles!
Very well done :)
Keizie Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much :)!

I had a hard time coping with my skin problems (eczema, allergy attacks( when I was younger. Photos in my childhood album often showed the things I didn't want to be confronted with, because when I was outside in the big world stares of other people would confront me already.

Especially because of the 'everybody needs to be beautiful' trend and the way people treat you when you look different I got really sad and angry that people are so focussed on the 'wrong kind of beauty'.

This photograph was real good therapy for me. I took it in one of my worst periods.

I am lucky that I almost have no visible skin problems anymore, only when I have a severe allergy attack. I'm more lucky because of the fact that I know what it's like to be treated badly because of your looks. People now only give great compliments to me, people who used to bully me and didn't know me personally now don't even recognize me annymore. It's really strange. Especially when someone hits on you and then you tell them 'Remember that girl who you called the exorcist and threw cans at when she passed by? That was me'.
It makes me laugh when I walk away and see them totally shocked because they never guessed that girl was me. (actually happened)

But at least I have learned some valuable lessons, and know I will never me shallow. :)
My-he-art Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011  Professional Photographer
Very wise! Although I have never been bullied myself, I think I can comprehense a fraction of what it does to a persons soul...specially with an innocent child it is heartbreaking..:(
The secret is: Bullying is not about the victim, it is all about the bully and his/her insecurity!
By putting someone else down, insecure people want to show and prove to the world (read: to themselves) that they are more worth in relation to the victim...
What a sad misunderstanding...
Real excellence and charisma grows graduate on a person by treating their environment and everything in it WELL! Only positiveness and personal integrity are the key to a fulfilling life...sigh :)
When there is a deep understanding of this, by feeling it deep in your "core" will be able to forgive these wandering souls...I think that this did already happen? ;)

Anyway: perhaps because of this all, it helped you to make this amazing style of art with tons of expression in it!!!!
Thank you very much!!!
0Gutter-Glitter Featured By Owner May 20, 2011  Student Photographer
Featured: [link] - hope you don't mind :)
MindfullyArtistic Featured By Owner May 12, 2011  Professional Photographer
wow.... you take the words out of my mouth.... the part from "I'm not. I'm not anymore" and the whole paragraph is me. I hate having to 'fake' it for everyone... they only want to know the good- the happy... that's just not me most of the time! *sigh* :huggle:
MikaneMoon Featured By Owner May 12, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i completely agree with you on that. very nice work
i think ugly is gorgeous
AraunChairec Featured By Owner May 12, 2011
This is a truly beautiful picture... A woman in pain, truly looking broken, but still so hauntingly beautiful. I can't say that it's macabre, as it doesn't quite fall in my view of that, but it's... It hits something in me, I don't really know how to express it... There's something accusing in her eyes, as if she wants to say that the person looking at her got her wrong, that he or she doesn't know anything...
Colomir Featured By Owner May 12, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
macabre! the eyes are captivating
TheSpokenPoet Featured By Owner May 12, 2011
This is truely beautiful in the simplest way possible, you got the concept of not everyones beautiful or why would anyone want to be seen any other way except "perfect". I love this picture, it's amazing. It defiantly hit me, this is how I feel at times. Thank you for showing us your worst being it's best. I know it sounds odd but, it makes sense some how.
Keizie Featured By Owner May 12, 2011  Professional Photographer
I'm really glad it 'hit' you :)! It still amazes me how many people can relate to it. You know what I really wonder about, how many people can't relate to it. Because now it seems almost everybody can relate to it (I only hear from the people who do), which makes me wonder; why do we still live in a world that's so obsessed with beauty if everybody knows what it is to feel like this? I really would like to meet the people who really can't relate to it, and tell them they make the world a very hard place for people who can relate to it...

Anyway, thank you for your comment :)!
TheSpokenPoet Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
That's a very good question...there's no telling really and you're quite welcome. :D
Keizie Featured By Owner May 17, 2011  Professional Photographer
TheSpokenPoet Featured By Owner May 17, 2011
Shadow-of-Burakku Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
Sometimes we make it harder than it is...
Dark sides best unseen
And we wonder why we're feelin' this way...

The last sentence there is what came to mind when I started reading the description.

Awesome pic, and beautiful inspiration behind it :heart:

P.S.: Nickelback's Someday makes me wanna cry when I hear it ;_; It's especially bad while I'm watching the music absolute guarantee that I'll burst into tears when that comes up.
myheroKirahEartsL888 Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
this makes an excellent point and definetly makes makes me feel the same. if only there were more honest ppl -_-
DeathDownAlex Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
This hit home :boo:

It feels like it comes straigt out of my mind
Ay-pus Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Photographer
Hello :-)
I have used your picture on my website ( [link] ), as my picture of the day. Please let me know if you want me to remove it.
Ay-pus Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Photographer
janfoto Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2011
Mooie foto met mooi commentaar. Het leven is niet altijd even leuk, maarhet alternatief, dood zijn, lijkt me ook niks!
LuosxTsol Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
This is awesome! The picture is just really cool and the description... I think a lot of people, including me, can find themselfs in your thoughts. I think it's hard to write these things down, I respect you for that!

(The song from P!nk; 'Don't let me get me', also suits this picture and description well by the way.)
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  • Photo
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Submitted on
April 3, 2007
Image Size
238 KB


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Camera Data

Shutter Speed
1/60 second
Focal Length
31 mm
ISO Speed
Date Taken
Mar 31, 2007, 2:21:36 PM